You might have heard this before: “People do business with who they know, like & trust.” Whether it’s a company and its reputation, or a person and their reputation or personality, building the “know, like & trust factor” is crucial if you want to gain customers or collaborators (others who assist you in reaching your goals).
NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP) is one of the modalities I am trained in that teaches ways to gain rapport with someone. This method uses what we have learned about how the mind processes and responds to information. And a technique to get someone to like and trust you is called “matching” or “mirroring.” By using this technique, you can gain rapport with someone within a few minutes.
The basis of why this technique works is that we tend to like and trust people who we sense are like us.
How matching/mirroring works is by essentially “monkeying” what who you are in proximity with is doing. Although it can work subtly if you are near a person and in at least some of their field of vision, I am going to explain how it is done if you are talking with a person.
1. When you are talking with them (standing, seated), begin to notice their body language and their voice
- How are they holding their body?
- How are they moving?
- What is the pace of their breathing?
- What is the pace of their talking?
- What is the pitch, tone and volume of their voice?
- What words are they using?
- What are they doing with their eyes?
2. Slowly begin to mimick (match) each of these elements (one by one; don’t need to do all)
- Position your body as they have positioned theirs (or mirror their position, so if they have their right foot crossed over their left, cross your left food over their right)
- Move like they are moving
- Breath at the pace they are breathing
- Talk at the pace they are talking
- Use the same pitch and tone of their voice
- Use the same or similar words, repeat back what they have said (as a question—as if “so what you are saying is…”)
- Move your eyes as they are moving them (or hold the gaze if they are)
Now, if you are like me when I first learned this technique at a hypnotherapy conference and was given the assignment to do this with people during my lunch break, I was nervous that people were going to see that I was mimicking them and get mad at me. But, surprisingly, most of them didn’t notice! Yet, everyone (whom I had never met before) did seem to gain rapport with me and the conversation was easy and fun.
When I told them at the end of our conversation about my assignment, they said they hadn’t even noticed I was mimicking them (or if they had, they understood because they also knew about matching).
Once you have become more comfortable and automatic with your ability to match or mirror others, you can then use a technique called “leading” to subtly guide them to doing what you want them to do (not in a negatively manipulative way, though; you want to use these tools with integrity).
Do you need help gaining rapport to attract great clients and collaborators? I can help. Schedule a complimentary MMM Strategy Session with me to identify what tactics you are missing in the three keys of creating a successful business–Marketing, Mindset and Manifesting–and IMMEDIATE steps to take so you can get more clients and make a difference in more lives!
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