Most of us entrepreneurs are action-oriented. We want to get things done, solve problems quickly when they arise, and move ahead. We do it in our business and we like to apply that same style to other “problems” in our lives. Including our relationships, whether they're personal or professional.
Not only do we want to have peaceful relationships for our own sake, we also know how distracting a frustrating/painful relationship can be to our business. So we want to fix it right away. But since it involves another person, it doesn’t seem like we can do it on our own. The other person needs to cooperate with our plan. Or at least be willing to talk about it! But what if they won't?
When they don’t cooperate, we feel kind of helpless – which is really hard to take for an action-oriented person. Maybe they blame everything on us. Or they can’t even handle a discussion without getting defensive. Maybe its someone like a colleague, client, or business partner and we don't know how to have that kind of a talk with them.
So what is an action-oriented person to do?
Here's how I explain it to help my clients make improvements in their relationships on their own.
Since we are all made of energy, a relationship is basically the interaction of 2 energy patterns, yours and theirs. If yours changes, then they have to respond differently. But how do you change your energy?
1. First identify what it is the person does or says that frustrates you. What is it about their
behavior that makes you feel the need to change things?
2. Next, ask yourself, when they do that thing, how does it make you feel? This is really
important–figuring out how you FEEL about what they're doing or saying.
Once you have that identified, that's what you begin to work on–YOUR response to their behavior.
How can you begin to change your response? You can use energy techniques like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to process and discharge those emotions so that when they push that button again, there is no buzz. When someone realizes that thing no longer gets any return energy from you, they often decide to let it go on their own.
It’s so weird when something that used to really bug you about the person no longer bugs you. And when you aren’t going around with that “bugged” energy, the other person can start to feel less resistance from you and is more willing and able to change THEIR pattern.
Aimee Serafini is a success coach and an energy psychology practitioner specializing in helping people transform their personal relationships by working on themselves, specifically through transforming the energy they bring to the relationship. She created the TANGO System for Happier Relationships™, a five-step process that combines energy techniques with law of attraction principles to help people feel more connected and at peace with their relationships.
If you’d like to learn more about this process for improving relationships, please join me on November 15, 2012 for a free tele-workshop to try it for yourself. You can register at
I love this perspective that Aimee shares here. You see, it's ultimately not about changing the other person, it's about changing yourself–your response to them. No one can MAKE you feel a certain way–your responses are your choice. You can tell yourself you're "justified" in feeling a certain way, yet that is just your conditioned pattern. Staying justified will only serve to keep you stuck. Expecting or trying to force the other person to change will most likely keep you stuck. Working on the relationship from YOUR end in relation to how you respond puts YOU in control and is more likely to yield the change you're looking for, even if it's only that you no longer FEEL the same way about what they do.
Do you need help solving problems and removing stumbling blocks in your business? Sometimes an outside perspective and resources such as hypnosis and EFT can help you to get UNSTUCK. Schedule a complimentary MMM Strategy Session with me to get clear on what's really holding you back from creating the thriving practice that you want–and IMMEDIATE steps to take so you can get more clients and make a difference in more lives!
Your partner in success,
Marketing, Mindset & Manifesting Coach